A pappadam memory

It was the day of Thiruvonam. Everyone in my family was at the table, ready to have theirsadya. I was the only one not interested in having my sadya. I was waiting for someone so eagerly and he was late unlike other onam days. Everyone asked me to start my lunch but I was adamant. I would only have my lunch when he comes and sits with me. Seeing my stubbornness, everyone else also waited. After some time he came. As soon as I saw him, my face brightened. He came and sat in the seat next to me and all of us started our Onasadya. As soon as I started having my lunch, i noticed that mypappadam were disappearing. Everytime I kept a new pappadam, it went missing. Then I caught the culprit red-handed. It was him. Sitting beside me, he could do it very easily. Then I fought with him as usual. Its been over 10 years since this day but it is still afresh in my mind. And one thing i realize is that it is not the sadya or anything else that I miss a lot but its him- his presence, his pranks, his love. And now whenever I eat a pappadam, its always him that I think of. I really miss you my dear uncle......

Memory never moves on.....

Some things you see around takes you back to memories you wanted to leave behind. Today was such a day for me. Happened to read an article in a magazine about a once famous person's struggle with a deadly disease and how he won the war with fate just with the support of his love! After reading the article I thought the man must be born lucky coz he survived in spite of his family n friends leaving him all alone and that he manages to stay positive to his life even though he was pulled down from the heaven to the bottom of hell. But not everyone is lucky as him. There are people whose beloveds are so caring and does anything and everything crazy and out of the world just to get their loved one back to life but ends up paying their last tribute to them sometimes unable to even shed tears for them. But the memories never leave them and they do yearn always for the long lost love.

Death never takes a person but it takes the love of many, the hopes of many and many souls are frozen. The vacuum it leaves stays forever and it cannot be healed with time. Any person claiming to have seen a ghost is a victim of this emptiness. The feel of a loved spirit beside you can be so energising and refreshing to your wounded soul that you wish you could stay forever with the spirit of your loved ones. But alas! The memories are the only left-overs.

The dear ones I lost were when I was in my school days. Two departing one after another shook me from head to toe and left me paralysed. I never realised how much these two deaths affected me until recently when I got to know that I no more felt anything even when a death of really close friend or relative was told to me. All I felt was numbness. On hearing a death, my first reaction earlier was a shock followed by a series of questions and then moving to a lonely place and crying my heart out. But now, its just an "oh! thats sad".

I thought my emotions dried up but for the article I read today I felt all those lost emotions rushing back to me like a hungry lion pouncing upon a helpless deer. I had never felt so lost, so lonely for the past 3 years. Now I know, I realise how much the departed means......