Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Chains that we all wear.....

Yes. It's true. We all wear chains and these chains are the relations in our lives. In our country, we "follow" relations as though they are a set of rules and we never love them, rather live with them. Every relationship, be it parent-child, husband-wife, friends, cousins, siblings or any other relationship, they come along with a code of conduct. You can't do such and such things in this relation or you should be like this in this relation. I mean, we are all afraid. Not actually of losing someone but what will I do without any relations and if I want a relation, I have no option other than following the rules that come with it. Here, I keep repeating the word "relation" because most of us only relate and are not into it. We just want to play it safe and not be happy with it.
Why so suddenly a post like this? Is that what you are thinking? Well, happened to watch a Hindi movie named Hamari Adhuri Kahani where the husband tries to mentally torture his wife so much that she fights for him when he is jailed for a fake case but the moment he is free and comes home, she has already left the house along with her son, leaving behind the mangalsutra or the sacred chain that holds a very important role in Indian marriages.
After watching the movie, I questioned myself about why do I compromise or adjust in any relation? Why do I think that if I live the way I want to, then it would be wrong? Why do I desperately try to keep people I love happy? Why am I scared of my loved ones rather than loving them?

Maybe we all should let go and live our lives more than stay bound to rules.... And ya this is completely a personal opinion.... Agree or disagree- it's your call.... It's your life, you rule your world 😎

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

A moment of change..... A lovely change......

It was a tiring day. As usual I was back from college and lay on my cosy bed along with my sissy. We were chit chatting when I slept off in the midst of the talk. The tick tock was on 5. By the time I woke up it was 7:30 and I found myself alone in the room. Before I came out completely from my dreamland, I saw Amma n Cheta holding Chechy and she was crying out of pain. I couldn't figure out what is happening and by the time my brain started functioning again, Acha had come home and Amma n Cheta got ready to take Chechy to the hospital. By about 9 Cheta called in to say that it was labour pain and the surgery can happen any moment - the doc. was on her way. I was filled with emotions. I wanted to be there but was helpless. Each second was moving like it happens in movies. The wait was over by 11. At 11:02 n 11:03 were born my lil kiddus..... I was filled with happiness but the first thing came out while Amma gave me the news were tears. I cried uncontrollably to be with the babies as they were to be kept in the NICU for the coming few days as they had jumped out into the world before their appointment date and no visitors were allowed there except the babies' parents. I had to wait for about two weeks to see them and hold them but it was as though....... I don't know how to explain....... As Nivin Pauly says in Thattathin Marayathu vaavaye kayyileduthaal pinne chuttumullathonnum kaanula sireeee.......

Its been 4 months and 5 days since their birth and now every second in my life is filled with them. They may not be near me, but 24x7 I see them, hear them and feel them....... The process of maturation has begun......  ;)

Saturday, 17 January 2015

खोये रिश्ते ||

बचपन की गलियां छूट जाती हैं
पर दिल की कलिया खिलती रहती हैं |

तुम रहे ना हमारे साथ 
फिर भी रहे इस दिल में |

खुशियां हो या घम
याद रहते है तुम हर दम |

आँखों में है इंतज़ार उस दिन का
जब गूंजेंगे हसी दिल से |
होगा यह  दिन मिलन का
हमारी तुम्हारी और खुशियों की || 

Friday, 21 June 2013

A pappadam memory

It was the day of Thiruvonam. Everyone in my family was at the table, ready to have theirsadya. I was the only one not interested in having my sadya. I was waiting for someone so eagerly and he was late unlike other onam days. Everyone asked me to start my lunch but I was adamant. I would only have my lunch when he comes and sits with me. Seeing my stubbornness, everyone else also waited. After some time he came. As soon as I saw him, my face brightened. He came and sat in the seat next to me and all of us started our Onasadya. As soon as I started having my lunch, i noticed that mypappadam were disappearing. Everytime I kept a new pappadam, it went missing. Then I caught the culprit red-handed. It was him. Sitting beside me, he could do it very easily. Then I fought with him as usual. Its been over 10 years since this day but it is still afresh in my mind. And one thing i realize is that it is not the sadya or anything else that I miss a lot but its him- his presence, his pranks, his love. And now whenever I eat a pappadam, its always him that I think of. I really miss you my dear uncle......

Monday, 7 January 2013

Memory never moves on.....

Some things you see around takes you back to memories you wanted to leave behind. Today was such a day for me. Happened to read an article in a magazine about a once famous person's struggle with a deadly disease and how he won the war with fate just with the support of his love! After reading the article I thought the man must be born lucky coz he survived in spite of his family n friends leaving him all alone and that he manages to stay positive to his life even though he was pulled down from the heaven to the bottom of hell. But not everyone is lucky as him. There are people whose beloveds are so caring and does anything and everything crazy and out of the world just to get their loved one back to life but ends up paying their last tribute to them sometimes unable to even shed tears for them. But the memories never leave them and they do yearn always for the long lost love.

Death never takes a person but it takes the love of many, the hopes of many and many souls are frozen. The vacuum it leaves stays forever and it cannot be healed with time. Any person claiming to have seen a ghost is a victim of this emptiness. The feel of a loved spirit beside you can be so energising and refreshing to your wounded soul that you wish you could stay forever with the spirit of your loved ones. But alas! The memories are the only left-overs.

The dear ones I lost were when I was in my school days. Two departing one after another shook me from head to toe and left me paralysed. I never realised how much these two deaths affected me until recently when I got to know that I no more felt anything even when a death of really close friend or relative was told to me. All I felt was numbness. On hearing a death, my first reaction earlier was a shock followed by a series of questions and then moving to a lonely place and crying my heart out. But now, its just an "oh! thats sad".

I thought my emotions dried up but for the article I read today I felt all those lost emotions rushing back to me like a hungry lion pouncing upon a helpless deer. I had never felt so lost, so lonely for the past 3 years. Now I know, I realise how much the departed means......

Wednesday, 31 October 2012


woh hawa ka jhoka jo tumhari aahat sunati hain,
woh laharein jisme tumhari awaaz samayi hain,
woh baharein jinme tumhari hasi chupi hain,
yaad aate ho tum mujhe har lamha
ab rahe na mera dil tanha

tum hi zindagi ki dhoop ho
tum hi ho chaya
meri zindagi ki har panha
mein hein likha tumhara naam......

Sunday, 22 July 2012


I knew I didn't like darkness but I never realized I was so scared of darkness until last week. The power went off at 12 midnight one day and as is my "latest routine", I sleep very late usually by 12 or 1 and even on that day I was up late. I was about to go to bed after switching off the television when suddenly the power went off and I started getting a feeling that someone is beside me, just like they feel in movies. And, to add to my fear, every dog in our locality started barking and howling. However, my fear lessened when I held the small Lord Krishna's idol, which I always carry with me, close to my heart. But more than the Bad Spirits Roaming thought, I was afraid if some thieves broke into our house. These thoughts gave me the idea that I heard footsteps in the hall and also the sound of someone breathing hard. The next thing I knew was that I was on my bed, holding my Lord Krishna in my hands tightly and praying for the power to come and Whoa!! The power came :). I got out of the bed, switched off the lights I had left on before the power went and crawled back to bed as swiftly as possible but the fear left so much an impact that I had to plug in my mobile headphones and had to hold my Lord Krishna even more tightly to get some sleep. Still, I thank god for not scaring me for long...........